9.

Our food arrived amazingly quickly, before I could get any more information out of my new client. As the waiter began to lay out our plates, I stopped talking with Grod to stare astonished at the meal accumulating in front of me. First came a bowl of mashed potatoes and a small gravy boat, then a platter with half a dozen huge rolls on it. Finally the waiter, looking slightly astonished himself, set down what I took to be the main course plate, which at first I could only identify as a steaming mountain of assorted meats. As I looked closer, I saw that there was indeed a filet mignon at the center of the plate, and around and on top of the filet mignon were piled sausage links and strips of bacon. I thought I could see a chicken breast poking out of one side of the pile. Grod clapped his hands and laughed as the waiter set out two tall, empty glasses.

"Thanks, Enrico. Tell your boss he kicks ass." The waiter nodded politely and retreated.

As the waiter nodded and left Grod withdrew from his robe a bottle of whiskey. He poured both of us a glass and smiled from ear to ear. "This meat stuff is great, isn't it?" he said as he cut his steak.

"Yeah," I said, "I guess it is."

"No meat in Heaven," Grod said through a mouthful of steak.

This reminded me that this man was insane, but as I looked around the restaurant I was reminded that this man also had a lot of money. And I needed money. "Try some of that whiskey, kid," he said, pointing his fork and a piece of meat at my glass. I took a sip of the whiskey, and my throat caught fire. Grod looked pleased. "Hell's best whiskey, man."

"Uh... yeah. So tell me about this book I'm going to write for you. What's it about?"

Grod chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "It's a story," he said, "about my life."

"Your life?"

"My life. Well, specifically, how I got stuck here to wander this dingy planet for a thousand years." He speared several of the sausage links with his fork.

"Hmm." I was still trying to deduce how to extract the filet mignon from the meat surrounding it. I tried inserting the fork upside down between a sausage link and a piece of ham, but it resulted in the sausage link rolling off my plate, across the table, and eventually onto the floor. Grod frowned. "So, how did you end up stuck here?" I asked.

"My younger stepbrother kicked me out," he said.

"Damn," I said, humoring him, "That sucks, man."

"He gets his book," Grod said and paused to swallow a piece of bacon, "...then I should get mine." He took another bite, "Shit, even my nephew got a book."

"Oh, they have their own books?" I asked with the idea that if I hadn't heard of them, then they probably didn't exist. "What are they called?"

Grod paused to chew some sausage and then said, "The Bible."

"Oh." I ate a few sausages silently. "So this book of yours..."

"It has to be even better."

A few more minutes of silence passed.

"So why did he kick you out?" The man seemed completely serious, and I couldn't help playing along.

"Unfortunately," Grod stuffed a giant chunk of steak into his mouth and the conversation paused for another moment while he chewed. "Unfortunately, that's a story for another time." I must have looked skeptical. "Luckily for you, that time is near. There's a old friend I want to check in with over in Seattle."

"Seattle?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, "Great guy. Just don't get to see him much anymore. We should be there tomorrow evening."

"It takes longer than a day to get to Seattle from here," I said.

"Nah, I do it in about a day. You can sleep on the way," he shoveled in a few of the final bits of meat left on his plate.

"You're going to need some sleep, too, aren't you?" I demanded, now concerned.

"I never need sleep," said Grod, "I just do it for pleasure."

The waiter interrupted, "Anything else for you gentlemen?"

"Yeah, I'll have a glass of wine. Give me your best stuff."

"Okay, and you, sir?"

"I'm fine," I said. The waiter left again. "Who is this guy?"

"Oh, we go way back. He's from Heaven too. But you'll get to meet him in a few hours. Right now you'd better drink that whiskey."

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